how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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