Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
