Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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