ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
