Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
