I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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