Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
