mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
