she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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