does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
