What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
