how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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