Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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