I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
