its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
