"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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