He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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