wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
