watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
