i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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