Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize