I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
