the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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