Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize