using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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