I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
