well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
