i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
