Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
