I look better un-naked...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Randomize
