What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
