butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize