I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
