I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
