3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
