Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
