I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize