I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
