I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
