So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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