He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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