My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
