Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize