I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
