Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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