Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
