he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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