and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So. Much. Porn.
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