I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
