So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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