Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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