So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
