We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
