I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His hands were made for my vagina.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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