dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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