I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
