i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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