Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize