True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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