I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
