dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize