Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
