I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is wine microwaveable?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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