thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
