You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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