why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
