So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
