He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
